Always.
It is a loaded word for someone like me. Always. Forever. Without exception. Uninterruptedly.
This is our final hour. Always may no longer apply. Tonight will see us try to ensnare a foe that has spent the past year ravaging the earth. Are we ready?
So many conversations I have yet to have, avenues I have yet to explore. My mind is a whirling muddle and I need to impose order upon it.
I am told that a vampire that is confronted with his own mortality, his Final Death, can be a brooding, broken monster, who, in his final moments, frenzies his way into oblivion. I have been taught better. I have lived better. My Beast and I have come to grips, and it is I who am in control.
I am rambling.
Much like events thirteen and a half years ago, the end of our city, of our world, has brought together the wary elements of the supernatural. Tonight will see vampire, werewolf, hunter, mage, shapeshifter, and so many others working in concert to defend this city, these people, from utter annihilation.
Strange bedfellows indeed.
I have no doubt we will prevail. Putting aside our decidedly hometown advantage, this ritual will seal them away for a long time. A very long time.
And if it does so above ground, the Field Museum gets a new exhibit.
The only question is who, and what, we will lose. Those lost will spur their companions on, but who will it be? Who can I afford to lose? I wonder if even Marcus can tell who will fall tonight. Fate seems...cloudy when one involves the Titans.
Regardless, once the dust settles, we will be thrust into a new world, where the Veil is torn away and the Masquerade dissolves to ash. Will the fact that we, that supernaturals and hunters, came together in humanity's defense stave off the mob mentality I fear will form? Or will we be faced with a modern day torch and pitchfork scenario, fear overcoming rational thought?
It is of no consequence.
I have been urged to set up a far away place for shelter, after tonight's events. I have also refused. I have spent too long, become too invested, in Chicago, defending her people, and mine.
And that will be the hardest part. For so long I have fought supernaturals in defense of humanity. (To be fair, it started out in hatred, but I would like to think my goals became far nobler as time marched on.) Now I feel I may need to act in reverse - protecting the supernatural from humanity. Once mortals realize the power they wield, when they embrace that numbers are their biggest strength, we may be in trouble. It will take some very public explanation. I will likely take part.
My beast cringes at the thought, urges me to stay hidden...but hiding is no longer an option.
Besides, I am Gavin Abrams, CEO of Ultor Corporation, Angelslayer, former Ace, and Geralt Dessalines, Ventrue childe of Viviana, Carthian, and Restorer of Relics. Hiding is not in my blood. Not anymore. And I will always act in the defense of others, be they mortal or supernatural.
With time stretched before me, it both interrupted tonight and simultaneously stretching to the horizon, always seems so very far away. "I will always..." Pretentious, perhaps, with the nature of what I am working against me. Yet there is a single idea I must cling to.
We are who we choose to be.
Without that, I am truly lost. I will only become a monster if I allow myself to become a monster. Do not misunderstand me, I am no fanciful vampiric hero, fighting my nature in some noble quest. I have done some small share of despicable things that I had, at the time, a rational explanation for doing. No, I am simply a man doing what he can to prevent lasting harm to others.
Is "always" possible? Does "always" take into account immortality? Or is the word made even more powerful to those who have the chance to live forever? We shall see.
Perhaps "always" is unattainable.
But I shall always be trying.
Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom
Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow
Life is very long
Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom
((Musical inspiration: The Hollow Men, for trumpet & string orchestra - Persichetti))
Friday, September 19, 2014
Thursday, September 4, 2014
April 1st (Late Morning)
How fitting that my nearly two month hiatus should be broken on April Fool's Day. I feel as if I should make some sort of joke, but I fear any joke would fall flat on its face.
In the intervening months, Ultor has made leaps and bounds in further establishing its presence in Chicago. Nox Team has neutralized several potent threats to Chicago's safety, while Selene Team has not only brought down corrupt executives and recovered some of their ill-gotten goods, they have also provided a somewhat steady source of income for the company. Which will stand us quite well in the coming conflict.
Mr. Tesla has done wonders in revitalizing our Research and Development. He has spearheaded several new projects, all of them ambitious (i.e. power armor). I hope they are finished in time.
Quite recently, Ultor was attacked by both Titan spawn and a Titan itself. We temporarily lost two members of our fireteam (brought back by supernatural means, even beyond me) to take down an invading force of those hoplites and a rather large Titan, the latter of whom we could barely hit.
The Titan retreated, leaving us to recover, and me to ponder what the hell to do next.
The answer came in the form of a former Elytech employee. This particular employee had been head of Lab E, where Cortana had been created. He told me that he had rescued a particular project before the fireteams could dismantle it and had decided to go ahead and offer it to me now. Codenamed Project Valkyrie, this should give us some small edge in our fight.
The biggest danger, however, is not the Titans, nor their spawn. It is what comes after. No matter who lives after the Titans are defeated, that will be, I believe, the end of the Masquerade, and of the Veil. The explanation for the simultaneous attacks on all supernatural and hunter organizations was thin enough. We are not going to be able to explain away the sort of climactic battle toward which we seem to be hurtling.
Our best chance, then, is to continue being the defenders of humanity we set out to be. We need offer no lies nor cover ups in the wake of this battle.
Perhaps I think too far ahead by automatically discounting this battle as won. I will leave most of it to others, while I plan for what comes next. Naturally, Ultor will need to open field offices, even if they are just points of contact to start. I also plan to utilize Seraphina's specialties to their fullest extent and offer either technologically based protection from the mind influencing effects of supernaturals, or the natural training to resist them. This may make even my existence harder, but if there is ever to be any peace after the Veil breaks, humanity will need to be able to tell vampires, mages, and other supernaturals "no".
This planning and project-focus is useful, and helpful, for distracting me from other facets of my life. Not long ago, I lost a bit of control on one of Selene Team's marks. I removed him from prison, "entertained" him for a few days, drained him, and then fed him to my dogs - all because of the sins of the father.
I do not necessarily regret my actions. I regret the recklessness with which I enacted them. Taking that sort of risk was foolish, and ill-befitting of a Ventrue and Viviana's childe. I maintain that I am not half as clever as I think I am, and that is going to get me in trouble some night soon.
I have acquired a new revolver, the same model as Thunder, if you can believe it. It will not replace Lightning (nor should it), but it may serve me well in the future when dealing with ghosts and possessions.
I know there are more topics I can cover, however, I am not clear-headed enough to even touch on them.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
In the intervening months, Ultor has made leaps and bounds in further establishing its presence in Chicago. Nox Team has neutralized several potent threats to Chicago's safety, while Selene Team has not only brought down corrupt executives and recovered some of their ill-gotten goods, they have also provided a somewhat steady source of income for the company. Which will stand us quite well in the coming conflict.
Mr. Tesla has done wonders in revitalizing our Research and Development. He has spearheaded several new projects, all of them ambitious (i.e. power armor). I hope they are finished in time.
Quite recently, Ultor was attacked by both Titan spawn and a Titan itself. We temporarily lost two members of our fireteam (brought back by supernatural means, even beyond me) to take down an invading force of those hoplites and a rather large Titan, the latter of whom we could barely hit.
The Titan retreated, leaving us to recover, and me to ponder what the hell to do next.
The answer came in the form of a former Elytech employee. This particular employee had been head of Lab E, where Cortana had been created. He told me that he had rescued a particular project before the fireteams could dismantle it and had decided to go ahead and offer it to me now. Codenamed Project Valkyrie, this should give us some small edge in our fight.
The biggest danger, however, is not the Titans, nor their spawn. It is what comes after. No matter who lives after the Titans are defeated, that will be, I believe, the end of the Masquerade, and of the Veil. The explanation for the simultaneous attacks on all supernatural and hunter organizations was thin enough. We are not going to be able to explain away the sort of climactic battle toward which we seem to be hurtling.
Our best chance, then, is to continue being the defenders of humanity we set out to be. We need offer no lies nor cover ups in the wake of this battle.
Perhaps I think too far ahead by automatically discounting this battle as won. I will leave most of it to others, while I plan for what comes next. Naturally, Ultor will need to open field offices, even if they are just points of contact to start. I also plan to utilize Seraphina's specialties to their fullest extent and offer either technologically based protection from the mind influencing effects of supernaturals, or the natural training to resist them. This may make even my existence harder, but if there is ever to be any peace after the Veil breaks, humanity will need to be able to tell vampires, mages, and other supernaturals "no".
This planning and project-focus is useful, and helpful, for distracting me from other facets of my life. Not long ago, I lost a bit of control on one of Selene Team's marks. I removed him from prison, "entertained" him for a few days, drained him, and then fed him to my dogs - all because of the sins of the father.
I do not necessarily regret my actions. I regret the recklessness with which I enacted them. Taking that sort of risk was foolish, and ill-befitting of a Ventrue and Viviana's childe. I maintain that I am not half as clever as I think I am, and that is going to get me in trouble some night soon.
I have acquired a new revolver, the same model as Thunder, if you can believe it. It will not replace Lightning (nor should it), but it may serve me well in the future when dealing with ghosts and possessions.
I know there are more topics I can cover, however, I am not clear-headed enough to even touch on them.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
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